PHILIP TOR | SLUMP SPORTS BLOGGAH
As an avid uniform critic, I dont know how I let the Arizona Diamondbacks new uniforms slip right past me this offseason!! I love new uniforms and designs for teams that suck or especially for teams with really bad unis or colors. Like the Seahawks old tealish colored jerseys to the sexy Nike’s they wear now, that stuff is just great. These new D-Backs “uniforms” are not. Lets take a look…
Primary Home and Away
Not going to lie to you guys, these kind of got it moving downstairs. Love the shoulder design touch, it just makes these things look badass. The snake pattern at the pants is also a nice touch and will hopefully remind some average sports fans that a diamondback is in fact a snake. Another reason I love these uniforms is because they brought back the snake logo which is in my opinion the best one they have, but the MLB certainly is not known for its “flashy” uniforms.
Oh baby. You thought the last set was hype these bad Larry’s are ON FIRE. The throwback pinstripes and purple sleeves hit me right in the feels. I dont know what it is about the throwbacks that make me love them so much. They are pretty plain right? Not a ton too them and simple patterns and crap like that. Just the sleeveless jersey and purple sleeves separate that Uni from the like of Chicago, Detroit or New York and they’re simply boring uniforms. The black alternate isnt as exciting but still a solid looking jersey. The black brings out the shoulder design more and makes the guy wearing it look around 60% more badass. This is definitely the jersey that Dad’s will buy for their wussy sons to try and get them interested in sports instead of tap dance and karaoke (I know from experience ;)) Or at least give off the perception that his kids not a complete suss to all the other neighborhood Dad’s.
Throwback: Bradley Cooper
Black Alty’s: 8/10
So much promise, so much hope, so much happiness came crumbling to the ground when I saw Arizona take the field in these monstrosities. Seriously these are never allowed to be called uniforms, these are only allowed to be called “costumes”. With that being said these costumes are just stupid. I get what they are trying to do here, throw a curveball in the major leagues and come out with the first futuristic jersey. Well you hung that curveball right over the plate and Bryce Harper roped that sorry piece of leather half a mile over the wall… because these costumes just flat out stink. The teal is just so ugly and the dark grays? C’mon man. That’s not even a dark grey, its like a light black. They look like the grey crap in McDonalds burgers or elephant skin or something like that I dont know. The D-Backs should have just stuck to there guns instead of trying to create something no one wanted in the first place. They tried to force in some star wars future crap and now they are getting their squad laughed at. I bet at least one dumb kid looked at the field today and asked his poor Dad where the other team was today in Dodger stadium because all these guys looked like these guys stole the chrome Krusty Krab’s uniforms.
The reaction for these costumes was absolutely priceless on twitter by the way
Great joke, Rob.
Million dollar idea (elephant skin uniforms)?
These made me so mad I became unfunny for an entire blog (If I was even funny to begin with)
Rating: Adam Sandler movies in the 21st century [-infinity]